In part II King Fernando
had been angrily demanding to know how Colombus had managed to not reach his
intended goal of India. The King was particularly unimpressed by Colombus’
claim of great riches.
‘Yes I’m glad you’ve seen sense’ continued the King to Columbus. ‘The
Sultan of Oman gave me an elephant. We have it in the palace gardens but it
isn’t liked by the dogs. It’s only over there – and I never get to see the
bloody thing. Largest animal that’s ever lived - and I can’t see the bloody
thing because I’m drawn into daft conversations with men like you. What use is
gold when I have an elephant in the gardens from the Sultan of Oman?’
‘The poor in the back streets of the city….’
‘You are an intolerably silly man. The poor in the back streets will
always be poor. I think the sun has got to your head my man. I need some goats’
milk. I’d really like a gnu. Do they have gnu in this place you’ve found? No.
You see, complete waste of time. And you’re sure it’s not India. You
mentioned Indians. It must be India
if it’s got Indians; otherwise they’d be called something else: Colombians
let’s say, for the sake of argument.’
‘The lunatic of my crew – captain of the Pinta - believed we
reached landfall in Japan, my lord, but - ’
‘Where is this man?’
‘Dead, Your Majesty.’
‘How convenient. And why is this land not Japan? At least Japan is
somewhere in the vicinity of India,
not like this new place, if what you say is true. And it shall need a name. I
like the sound of Fernandolando, no?’
‘We asked the inhabitants. They’d never heard of Japan; or India.’
*
‘You want to go again!’ roared the King. ‘To Fernandolando! I’ll have
your head drawn off Columbus. Guards! This is repugnant. It is repugnancy at
its very worst. It eats my holy heart.’
‘I want to go back for slaves, Your Majesty.’
‘For slaves? Why didn’t you say so Colon? Slaves is a different story all
together. How much will you need for this great expedition you are planning?’
‘With crew-men’s wages, new ships, supplies, the sum would be
equivalent to nine pounds sterling.’
‘Nine pounds sterling! I’m the King of Spain not
Saint Nicholas. Find me a better price and I will consider it. These slaves
better be up to standard. And see if you can get me that gnu; it might cheer up
that bloody elephant.’